ATMAJAA

“Did you go for an abortion earlier?”, asked Doctor Amita

“Yes, we did. We didn’t want a child back then, is there any problem doctor?”, inquired Alankrita impatiently.

“You see Alankrita, even when you go for a ‘safe abortion’, there might be chances that you’ll have trouble in conceiving later, and that’s the problem in your case”.

“um, i didn’t get you, what do you want to say?”

“Due to your earlier abortion, as a result of too much stretching , your uterus got perforated, and I’m very sorry to say that you won’t be able to have a child now”.

“What!!! There might be some solution to this!! This can’t be happening to us doctor!!!, we are ready for any kind of surgery”, argued Niloy.

“It’s a permanent damage Niloy, it can’t be reversed, not even by a surgery, I’m sorry”.

“Come on honey, we’ll see some other doctor, she’s not competent enough.”, said Niloy bitterly and staggered Alankrita out of the door.

And that’s what they did for another five years, doctor to doctor, test after tests, all of them shrieked the same thing. Fate played a very bad game with them, and they were losing it every single day.

“Let’s adopt a baby”

“What??”

“You heard me Niloy! I can’t just do this anymore.”

“Oh honey, let’s try this one last time, I've heard a lot about this doctor, he has cured many cases like us”

“you know what ,when I enter a clinic, I know what the doctor would say, but I still get in there with a tiny little hope that’s left within me, that maybe this time. And I’m tired of getting disappointed all over again, we’ve to pay for our mistake Niloy, we have to!” said Alankrita and broke down in Niloy’s arms.

“Please don’t cry, I know what you’re going through and it’s all because of me! If I hadn’t forced you, if only I was ready to be a father, we would have been sending our child to school by now.” Regretted Niloy and sobbed softly, clutching Alankrita more tightly in his arms.

“You don’t worry, I’ll search for a proper adoption home soon”.

“Mr and Mrs Sen, welcome to ‘NANHI KALI ’, we’re a home to several abandoned girl child. How can I help you? Are you here for charity? ” asked Rama, a staff from the NGO.

“Not exactly really, we want to take home a baby girl and it would be very kind of you to assist us regarding the procedure”. Said Niloy

“Oh, that’s very grateful for you to do sir. We meet a lot of people who say that they really want to do something for us, but it’s really hard for us to find the other half like you who really do!, but let me clear some points to you, these kids have no background, either their mothers left them here, or we found them deserted somewhere, I hope that you’re already aware of it Mrs.Sen? ”

“Yes we are, we’ve already discussed the pros and cons of it earlier, we desperately want a baby and I think it’s the best place where we could have our gift, we’ve no issues regarding anything ma’am. ” assured Alankrita to Rama.

“Do you want to meet the girls then?”

“Absolutely!”, cheered both of them.

“Who’s she?”, pointed Alankrita at the other end of the room where a little girl was standing looking outside the window ajar.

“She’s Guddi, she’s raped when she’s six”

“What!! She’s just a child for heaven’s sake!! How did you find her? Thrown somewhere?”, asked Alankrita with sheer disgust.

“No, her mother left her here when she could no longer stand the atrocities of the Panchayat of her village; they wanted to marry off the child to the rapist, when Guddi’s mother stood against the decision, they boycotted her family and threatened to kill them everyday, that’s why she ran off to us and dumped Guddi here”, narrated Rama gravely.

“Can we talk to her?”

“Of course, go ahead”

“Hello Guddi” greeted Alankrita. But Guddi kept staring outside.

“Hey, we’ve brought some candies for you”, Alankrita tried again, this time she gave her a mere stare and then again turned around towards the sky.

She had big brown eyes. Beautiful indeed she was.

Alankrita looked up to Niloy and he nodded in assurance.

“When can we take her home?”, asked Alankrita excitedly.

“Just a few paperwork left, you can pick her up next weekend. Remember Mrs. Sen, you’re about to take a step from which most of the people prefer to run. Are you sure about this? I mean Guddi, she’s many clauses attached to her, she’s vulnerable, she has seen enough already. Her medication is still going on. You’ve to take an extra care of her”

“You don’t worry, Ms. Rama, I will, with all my heart”, said Alankrita while wiping off her tears.

“Welcome home Guddi!!!!”, shouted Niloy and Alankriti together.

They led her up to her room, which they decorated with all the toys and barbies they could stuff in. they thought Guddi would be happy seeing them, but it seemed that she didn’t notice them at all.

She acted bereft all the time, despite of how much they tried to please her; whether it be candies, or dresses, or dolls, all went in vain. Sometimes she would wake up wailing and shivering profusely, that was the time when she let Alankrita hug her. She never spoke a word about what she saw in her dreams to anyone, not even to the doctor. All she did was to stand near the window and stare the sky, that was the only thing she let herself open to.

“’Atmajaa’, that’s your new name, it means ‘our daughter’, as you are, so, do you like it Guddi? ” asked Alankrita in a hope to get an answer, but she got disappointed as usual, Guddi left without saying a word again.

“Am I that bad Niloy, why doesn’t she respond!!”, Alankrita cried again.

“She will eventually, give her some time”.

“It’s an year already, how much time does she need?, we’ve tried everything to please her, but she didn’t like any, I’m feeling so helpless! I want her to talk to me, I haven’t heard her voice since she’s come here, what’s left now? What it will take her to talk to us? ”

“we have to understand her situation honey, she had gone through a lot of tough times, she can’t trust anybody easily now, we’ve to be patient enough until she herself decides to open up, and she will I am sure about it, just give her some time, she’ll get to know how much we love her”

“Would you like to go out for an ice cream, sweetheart?, just go and get ready, we’ll be waiting for you outside”, said Alankrita and pointed  towards the car.

After a few minutes Guddi came wearing the new dress Niloy got for her yesterday. Niloy winked at Alankrita and she smiled. They all went to a nearby amusement park.

“Do you want to get on this ride?”

Guddi didn’t react.

“Okay, poor me, I’ll have to ride it alone”, Niloy made a mock sad face and went over for the ride.

He did the same thing with the other one when she didn’t respond to his proposal, but he was determined this time so he tried the third one, the car ride, that’s when Guddi put forward her one hand to come along. He didn’t believe to what just happened, he looked over to Alankrita, who was crying already, he smiled and took Guddi’s hand in his and went inside for the ride.

“Is she your daughter?”, asked a lady at the icecream counter to Niloy.

“yeah” said niloy and looked at guddi in admiration.

“She’s lovely , what’s your name sweetie?”

When Alankrita was about to speak, expecting Guddi wont, she heard Guddi’s voice for the first time;

“Atmajaa ”

“Oh, that’s a lovely name just like you!”

“thankyou” said Guddi shyly and smiled at Niloy and Alankrita,  they smiled in return.